Most straight men, ok let’s be honest, ALL straight men have fantasized about being with two women at some point in their life. Whether a fantastical fog filled room of curious sorority sisters or raunchy roommates who happen to shower together every so often, my point is that it’s not uncommon. And being the honest freak that I am (as in let’s get freakaay), I will be the first to admit to my dirty, oh so immoral thoughts. If Ad School has improved one thing, it is my oddly graphic imagination. Unfortunately, threesomes weren’t exactly a conversation topic at the bar last night but my Match.com date Jamie was definitely bisexual.
Jamie was adorable, not gorgeous but definitely cute. Her often pursed red lips spat swear words nearly as much as NBA stats and matched her lumberjack getup, which coincidentally fit better once the bisexual cat was out of the bag. It didn’t register at first really. The way she mixed her sexual interests into our conversation of favorite foods, I had nearly moved onto a new topic before I choked down my amber ale, gurgling up the words, “You enjoy eating what?”
What would you have said? How would you have reacted? I was clueless on both fronts. In the heat of the moment, as I revealed the whites of my eyes in surprise all I could do was offer her a congratulatory hand. I shook her hand, as if to say “Welcome, to the team…for now at least.” Looking back, I wish I’d reacted a bit differently but not everyone can think to high five in a moment like that.
From there on the conversation strayed from upbringings to professions to our shared obsessions of the womanly design. But as the drinks continued I noticed that we continued returning to the topic of women and Jamie’s appetite for them. Comment after comment followed until it hit me in one euphoric “DUH.” Jaime couldn’t be bisexual because she had to be gay. It was right in front of my eyes. The flannel. The sports knowledge. I should have held onto those thoughts but drunken detective Spencer was already on the case.
Without thinking I blurted out, “Are you sure you’re not gay? Like full on gay… I’m getting a vibe.” Which for the rest of the date caused Jamie to try and convince me otherwise. Even down to our goodbyes. Right after saying “I promise I’m not gay,” Jamie grabbed my face and attempted to prove how straight she is with her tongue. I don’t know if I believe her but two things are for sure, I’m willing to let her prove it and hoping she has a roommate.